Thursday, February 28, 2008

Face melted.

I met many of my music scene peers at hardcore shows in the mid to late nineties. Most of us mellowed out and into the indie scene. I was kind of wondering what happened to those who stayed on that course as they got older. I think I figured it out last night at the Turf.

Sex Coffee

Sometime around last November a new trailer found its way into the parking lot of the pizza joint just across the street from my apartment. While trailers of all sorts are nothing out of the ordinary in Austin (much less Texas), this one was a little more tacky than usual. A business was housed inside, specializing in coffee sales. This was no ordinary coffee however, this was coffee with "attitude" directed at those "who like it hot and steamy." (I typically enjoy my coffee with a modicum of competence.) Behind the clever quotation marks was the catch--the difference between your coffee shop and this one was the scantly clad girls working at the latter. Get it? Sex coffee! It was a seemingly ingenious business model:

Me: Did I tell you about my new idea?
You: The Sponge Bob anal thermometer?
Me: No, someone beat me to that. Check this out, what are two things people want?
You: Happiness and health?
Me: No, try coffee and hot chicks. Up top!
You: Granted, but those two things are separate. I mean I have to go to different places for each.
Me: Do you? Have you even been to Hooters(tm)?
You: Sadly, no.
Me: Well, you know the idea, right?
You: You mean an intersection of frat boys/man children, fried foods, and girls with low self-esteem?
Me: Are you mocking me, or just trying to be gay?
You: I think you had a point somewhere in here...
Me: Oh, right. Take Hooters, keep the silicone and swap the hot wings for hot coffee. Huh, pretty good?
You: This is your plan?
Me: No, it's my business plan.
You: Do you even know anything about coffee?
Me: No, but I know a little something about hot chicks. Up top!
You: Nice one.
Me: It gets better. You know how boobs and coffee cups come in different sizes?
You: I guess I've never seen things like that, but I suppose you're right.
Me: Well, instead of a small coffee, you get a B-cup. And the extra-large? You know you're getting a double-D cup. Up top!
You: Well, good luck to you.
Me: Thanks, but I don't need it. This is a gold mine. A black-gold mine.
You: It will certainly be a pit.

Everything materialized according to plan, and it was called Latte Dolls. They even had theme days: Monday, which saw the baristas in school-girl garb helped you start your week off with a "bang" (Their quotes, once again. Get it?), while Warrant Wednesday was a hot-cops theme (although I think they could have gotten more mileage by dressing up like the 80s band). Sunday, oddly enough, saw the coffee stand closed, in apparent accordance with the Scriptures.

In the end, poorly conceived innuendos didn't translate into coffee sales, and the sexiest little coffee stand in Austin was carted away this morning, leaving at least one failed businessman in "mourning." Get it?

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Toys for Tots

Oh my. I couldn't help myself. Do you have a fever?

Facts and Figures












Some how, some way this doesn't surprise me. True? A grain of salt perhaps?
Do digest.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Got a Clog?


















Yep, it's real. Anyone else find this remotely amusing?

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

If Music Be the Food of Love...

Ever want a song written just for you or someone you love (or someone you hate)? Interested in wedding or event music that is custom written for you? Well, my friends, here is the place to go. It's nothing short of incredible.

Shot Clock

"When you're young, you always feel that life hasn't yet begun-that 'life' is always scheduled to begin next week, next month, next year, after the holidays-whenever. But then suddenly you're old and the scheduled life didn't arrive. You find yourself asking, 'Well then, exactly what was it I was having-that interlude-the scrambly madness-all that time I had before?' "

- Douglas Coupland

[Listen])))))

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Pop-Pop

Here is something that Big Popcorn doesn't want you to know. All you need to make perfect microwave popcorn is, not surprisingly, popcorn, and a brown paper bag (preferably the size just larger than a traditional lunch sack, but the smaller brown paper bag will work just fine). To do this, simply pour 1/3 cup popcorn into the bag (1/4 cup if you're using the smaller-sized bag), fold the top of the bag down 2 or 3 times, and cook on high for 2-2:30 minutes in the microwave (cook time will vary depending on microwave wattage). Pour into a bowl, add butter and popcorn salt, and enjoy that money you saved by not buying Con-Agra products by washing it down with a beer.

George Michael: I have Pop-Pop in the attic.
Michael: What? The mere fact that you call making love "pop pop" tells me you're not ready.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

curling tofu

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Shuttlecocks and A-Ha











A likely combo don't you think? Both could be considered a "high-drag projectile".

Losing My Edge


Remember when you were straightedge? Oops.

I wish I was a superdelegate.


De-ice me. ASAP.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Maverick and Ice

"That's right, Ice.....man. I am dangerous."
-Pete Mitchell, call sign: Maverick

ding ding ding went the trolley

burn this feed. can i make you a widget for that RSS web 4.2 application?