News Briefs

1. It's All Downhill from Here (in a bad way): Researchers from the University of Virginia have found that people start to begin their mental decline at age 27, with the apex of mental capacity being reached by 22. In short, you're becoming either more stupid or stupider, I can't remember. (Link)
   
2. Abstinence-only Programs do not Work: Teen pregnancies have risen for the second year in a row, suggesting a potential trend that coincides with the fruition of the Bush-era abstinence-only sex education program. Maybe they need to make the abstinence pledge more strongly-worded, "I promise, promise, promise, promise not to engage in sexual intercourse before my marriage to a person from the opposite gender." (Link)
3. Chimps Gone Wilder: Fresh off a chimp's Xanex-induced rampage in Connecticut in February that left a woman in critical condition, scientists in the Republic of Congo have filmed chimps "armed" with clubs attacking beehives in order to "gorge on sweet honey." No word yet from the bear community on this new development. (Link)